In the post-holiday slump it's easy to look at the negatives. Many people are facing the New Year with a depleted bank balance, an inflated body and a soul battered by holiday stress and family disagreements. 2009 looks like a year of uncertainty for all and trouble for many. How can you make your New Year resolutions stepping stones to a brighter year ahead?
Well, you can resolve to approach them positively. Negativity hurts. It saps your ability to get things done and makes you doubt yourself. When you repeatedly tell yourself or others that there's no point in trying, that the world is out to get you and others are against you, you create the conditions for hostile, damaging relationships.
Negativity also makes others avoid you. Betty J. Shultz, past President of the Association of Operating Room Nurses, wrote in her editorial to the AORN Journal in December 2003 about a survey on confidence. The majority of respondents tried to avoid negative people. Friendship, opportunity and success literally walks away from those who are overly negative.
So avoiding negativity should be your number one resolution for 2009. But how do you do it?
Four Transforming Resolutions
Four simple steps, resolutions anyone can make, are transformative for almost every situation.
First, approach every situation looking for a way forward. Nobody has to abandon realism and go around wearing rose-coloured glasses. Positive thinking doesn't deny what is wrong or unhelpful, but instead looks for ways to transform the situation. So resolve that you will always look for a way forward, however difficult the situation.
For instance, if you are worried about being laid off at work, or about having to lay off a staff member, you should look at what skills you/they have that will be useful to new employers. How can those skills best be presented? Is there an opportunity for coaching or mentoring, to help with job searches and interviews? Offer yourself and others ways to move on from difficult situations, and you'll see positive results.
Resolve to be Honest and Respectful
Next, resolve to be honest, because dishonesty is always negative - but be honest in a positive way. Say what you truly mean, but keep it based on fact. Avoid personal comment and gossip. Speak well of others whenever possible, and speak well of yourself too.
Respect others enough to assume that they mean well unless there is evidence to the contrary. For example, if someone makes a negative or dismissive remark about your work, don't take it personally and fire off a snappy response. Instead, think about the remark for a moment, and see if there is anything you can learn from it. Let the other person know that you appreciate their being so open with you, but say calmly that you found their approach very confrontational. (Some people are genuinely unaware that they come across as aggressive.)
Being positive doesn't mean you are a doormat - it means you are a strong person who can assess the meaning of someone's words without being distracted by their mode of expression.
Resolve to make yourself a role model for others. Be the person who always looks for the good in others, points out their skills and acknowledges their contributions. Speak to them as you would like to be spoken to, and don't allow the negativity of others to draw you into a destructive game of tit-for-tat.
Resolve to Avoid Assumptions
Treat situations the same way you intend to treat people. Whether it's a family argument or a situation at work, don't just steam in making snap judgements and assigning responsibility. Take a moment to assess the situation, ask questions and find out what's really happening. Make sure you understand before you act.
Resolve to Forgive and Learn
We're all going to make mistakes. It's the way we learn. Think of how mothers deal with babies - small children need to be encouraged to try things again and again, testing out different methods, being gently encouraged until they master the skills of standing, walking, sorting shapes and so on. Adults are no different. Even if things are clearly explained and support is provided, there will be mistakes. Forgive mistakes - including your own. Make sure you and everyone involved understands why they happened, and don't use them as sticks to beat others. That way you'll support everyone's creativity and build trust in your relationships with those around you.
Using the Four Resolutions
You can apply these four resolutions - looking for a way forward, speaking honestly and respectfully, asking and observing instead of making assumptions, and forgiving and learning from mistakes - to any situation in your life.
Maybe you resolved to lose weight last year and were unsuccessful. This year, look at the positive, not the negative. Instead of focusing on 'losing', look at your diet and lifestyle and decide on a couple of changes that will make you healthier and help you have more energy. You might resolve to replace sweetened drinks with water and walk or cycle to work at least two days a week. Respect yourself and be honest - don't kid yourself that you can change your body without changing your lifestyle a little. Don't assume that you will fail - find out about different ways of approaching the issue and work out why you didn't succeed and what might help you this time. Forgive yourself for not being a size six, or whatever, and understand what would be a realistic goal in terms of your own health and lifestyle.
There are many wonderful lifestyle and attitude guides, but none of them can help you unless you resolve to approach your problems positively. Almost every person has untapped ability and potential that can be released with the support of positive thinking. This year, resolve to banish negativity and help yourself to succeed.
Helen McCarthy - Helen is a writer, editor, speaker, designer and trainer. She's best known for her ground-breaking research and writing on Japanese ...
